We're all getting older...

So the BF and I are discussing shortbread cookies; specifically the kind that are shaped like windmills and are sort of spicy -- like cinnamon/ginger/cardamom. I had totally forgotten about these cookies until he brought them up, and I wanted to call my mom and find out what they were called because we used to get them all the time growing up.



The BF warned me not to call because it really wasn't worth it, but I didn't think anything of it and called, anyway. My dad answered, which was great because I love talking to my dad and he is rarely ever home, much less answering the phone. He couldn't remember what the cookies were called, but he did remember something else he wanted to talk to me about.



I need to preface this by saying that I am 30, nearly 31, and I live with the BF in a modest, inexpensive apartment in the suburbs of Jackson. I have never owned a home, in fact, I have been mortified of the home-buying process up until this point. All the horror stories I have heard from friends who have done it (both single and married) have kept me far, far away. But, in light of the fact that I've lived in apartments for the better part of 10 years, and in light of the fact that I recently got a really great job that pays really greatly, I have decided it's time for me to look for something bigger (a house) that I would purchase. I told my parents about this, and I'm sure they sighed with relief that their oldest daughter was finally sorta acting her age.



Further background: My little sister is 25. She finished college in 3 years (nursing school), got a good job right away, married her high school sweetheart and has been married for 5 years now, bought a house in a nice suburb right after they got married, and had a baby last year. And now she and her hubby are planning to build a house right next door to my parents in a few years. In my parents' eyes, for the most part, Sis has done everything right. Now, don't get me wrong -- I love my sister and am very proud of her. I think she has done quite well and she did what was right for her.



Me on the other hand. I am 30. It took me 5 years to get a B.A. in Psychology, which automatically means graduate school, so 2 more years later I finally graduate and enter "the real world." I moved to Memphis for grad school and was told "You'll never find anyone to marry up there," by my mother instead of "Good luck! You'll do great!" Three years later, I moved back home and took a crappy job with crappy pay. Then took a slightly better job that quickly turned into a nightmare, but I did meet my BF through that job. Before him was a not-so-long line of short-term relationships that went nowhere. But, since the BF and I have been together for 3 1/2 years and are only living together, I'm still not where I'm "supposed to be" because we should have been married by now. Heaven forbid we would want to be sure that was the right decision before taking the plunge!

So, my dad tells me that he knows of a house for sale and that it is a "really nice house, great neighborhood" etc. He says it is reasonably priced (although at this point I have no idea how much house I can even afford). The problem? It is located even further into Suburbia than I am now, something I am trying to get away from. My parents know this. My dad goes into a diatribe about how I am "throwing my money away paying rent," and how I am "getting older -- I mean, we're all getting older," and I should "invest in a house." I explain that I do want to buy a house, but I just started my new job this week and need to wait a couple of weeks before I go to the bank asking for a loan. So this is what he proposes next: "Well, your Mama and I have talked about it, and we could buy the house and you could just rent it from us. Then later if you wanted to, you could take over the note."

So let me get this straight: I should quit throwing money away on rent and invest in a property, and the way to do that is rent a house from my parents. I love my dad, but I am afraid he may be smoking crack. Nothing about that deal makes any sense. This is a house that we have not even seen yet, I haven't even had the chance to find out how much house I can afford, yet my parents are rip-roaring ready to buy the thing and rent it to me?

My parents are not that well off -- they do okay, and have very little debt, but at this point in their lives I don't know how they would have the funds to purchase another home. No my friends, what I really think is going on is this: My parents are so afraid for me to buy a house in Belhaven, Fondren, or NE Jackson, that they are willing to BUY A HOUSE FOR ME. Just to make sure I am living in an appropriate neighborhood? You betcha. My parents have lived in Crystal Springs for 30 years and have lost all reasoning about the realities of the city of Jackson. Never mind that they grew up here, at least my dad did, and my mom spent a lot of her formative years here. They believe that the entire city is riddled with crime, and that I would be much better off and happier in one of those cookie-cutter houses in a forgettably bland suburban neighborhood. Never mind it would take me even longer to get to work (and more gas) than it does now, or that the property values in these homes are actually not going to increase much more than they already have. No, God forbid, I may move into a home with a Jackson zip code and BLACK PEOPLE nearby*.

Needless to say, I was offended/flabbergasted by this offer. On the one hand, it was quite generous, but on the other, it was a loaded offer that smacked of obligation and awkwardness. No thanks.

My plan is to get pre-approved, talk to some realtor friends of mine, and look in the neighborhoods that I want to look at. I may not let my parents know anything until they get the change of address card. While their assistance with say, a down payment or furniture would be great, I'd rather be a REAL grown-up and do things on my own.



*I could go on for days about this subject, and it probably will be the topic of many a blog post to come. I'm reading Suburban Nation: The Rise of Sprawl and the Decline of the American Dream. It is helping me fine-tune my already strong opinions on this subject.